Fugaku's Laments
by Madrigal-in-training
Summary: Sasuke decides to rant about the totally unromantic, completely platonic, and mutually loathsome non-relationship he shares with his teammate, Naruko Namikaze. Fugaku wonders when he'll be able to get back to his paperwork. fem!Naruto SasuNaru (An Ideal World Fic)


Fugaku's Laments

 _ **Sasuke decides to rant about the totally unromantic, completely platonic, and mutually loathsome non-relationship he shares with his teammate, Naruko Namikaze. Fugaku wonders when he'll be able to get back to his paperwork.**_

 _ **xxxxxxx**_

"-absolutely insufferable. The dobe just stood there and _laughed_ at me, even though she's the one always going on about comrades and working together-"

"-and she decided to attack him head on, even though I was _right there_ for a flank attack! She's so goddamn reckless-"

"-such an idiot, with no manners whatsoever. The ramen was _inhaled_. Can someone so unfeminine even exist?-"

Fugaku just sat there, resisting the urge to rub his temple in frustration and wondering exactly how he came to be in this position. He had just been sitting here, trying to tackle to obscene amount of paperwork that was generated by being both the Chief of Police and the Head of the Uchiha Clan, when his youngest son came in. Sasuke had worn a scowl that could only be initiated by his female teammate, one Naruko Namikaze, who would either become his daughter-in-law one day, or be found mysteriously dead in a ditch with Sasuke's fingertips around her throat. Fugaku gave it a 50/50 chance either way.

He would have normally ignored his son- romantic entanglements were firmly under his wife's domain, in Fugaku's opinion- but he remembered that Mikoto had been harping on him lately about not being involved enough in their son's lives. The Uchiha Clan Head had protested this accusation- hadn't he patted Sasuke's shoulder approvingly just the other day?- but his wife remained unimpressed.

"Talk to them," she'd coaxed. "There are some things that they'll need their father's guidance for."

Fugaku had given his reluctant agreement, because Mikoto rarely asked him for much, and also maybe due to the kunai that his beloved wife was casually spinning around in her fingers. He had married more than just a pretty face after all.

So when Sasuke all-but-stomped his way past Fugaku's home office, the man called him in and decided to ask about his day. Fugaku had expected perhaps a few minutes of descriptions, with a snipe or two about Minato's daughter thrown in, but it had been twenty minutes already, and his son had yet to lose any steam. It would have been admirable even, if Ieyasu Uchiha hadn't gone and accused the Head of the Taruma Clan of heading a prostitution ring, leading to a messy investigation and multiple council complaints.

' _Why couldn't Sasuke be like Itachi?'_ Fugaku mused despairingly. His asexual older son never subjected him to this type of torture. He tried to refocus his attention back to Sasuke.

"-no consideration for other people's training. Once a dobe, always a dobe, of course, but you'd think she would at least have the sense to avoid-"

"-dropped the cat, which meant we had to go and catch her, _again._ This type of inefficiency is why we're not Jounin already _-_ "

"And she just stood there and flirted with him, even though we were on a mission!"

Now Sasuke finally stopped, breathing hard, as he stared expectantly at Fugaku. The man in question cleared his throat, as he tried to formulate a response.

"You're angry because your teammate chose to flirt with someone?" Fugaku stated rather than asked.

"Yes!" Sasuke said, hotly, "I mean, no! I'm not angry because she chose to flirt with someone. I'm angry because she acted unprofessionally during our mission!"

"I see," Fugaku paused, "Are you sure it's not because you were jealous?"

Sasuke looked affronted. "What would _I_ have to be jealous of?"

"Nothing, I'm sure." He was starting to feel a little amused now. Sasuke's wet cat expression reminded him of all those childhood escape attempts from the bath. Perhaps Mikoto wasn't wrong.

"Naruko Namikaze is the last person I would ever want to be with!" Sasuke declared.

"Hn," was Fugaku's contribution.

"Naruko's loud, and messy, and reckless," Sasuke continued, passionately, "Her chakra control is atrocious. She's the Hokage's daughter, but almost failed her Genin Exam. She has no table manners, fashion sense, or social etiquette. She acts like a boy half the time, and always gets in trouble through her pranks."

"Hn," Fugaku agreed. He idly wondered if Sasuke would notice him skimming through the clan's weekly financial report.

"She was the only girl in the Academy who wasn't a fangirl," Sasuke continued, his voice becoming softer, "She took her training seriously, and she's probably the strongest female genin, I know. She's ambitious, and optimistic, and loyal. She likes to make people laugh, and her dream is to become the Hokage and protect all of her precious people. And… she has beautiful eyes."

' _Probably not,_ ' Fugaku decided. He reached for his pen and made some notes on the margin of the first report.

"But Naruko can be so insufferable!" Sasuke's voice took on a hard edge again. "She always putting herself in danger to protect everyone, even though I don't want or _need_ her help. She tries to be friends with _everyone_ , even after several of them tried to kill her!"

' _Mori made an excellent deal on those oysters,'_ Fugaku noted, ' _I must commend him later on.'_

"And why would she flirt with that guy, anyway?" Sasuke fumed, "She's much too good for him. He's not even a ninja, just some stupid merchant's son. The idiot doesn't even know what chakra is. He thought that she was doing _magic_. And I'm much better looking."

"Hn," Fugaku said, belatedly remembering that he was supposed to be part of this conversation. Not that it mattered, since Sasuke had entirely forgotten about his presence at this point.

"She shouldn't be flirting with other guys in front of me, anyway," Sasuke complained, "I don't flirt with other girls. Was it because I didn't ask her to go to the Tanabata Festival with me? We spent most of the time together anyway, after I bet Sai that he couldn't win a prize from every stall there."

The younger Uchiha son began to pace up and down in the limited room of the office. Fuagku's pen made a gentle scratching sound as he placed an order for more steel for the Uchiha blacksmith.

"I should tell her that her actions were unacceptable," Sasuke muttered, "But then she'll just get angry, and claim that I have no power over her actions. She won't be able to flirt with other boys though, if she was dating me! Yes, that's what I'll do!"

' _I wonder if Mikoto will make yakisoba for dinner,'_ Fugaku consider, ' _Mmm, yakisoba with extra spicy chicken. That would be delicious.'_

"I'm going to tell the dobe that we're dating!" Sasuke declared, rushing out of the office, "Thanks for your help, otou-san!"

After a few minutes of silence, Fugaku looked up and blinked at the sight of the empty office.

"He finally left then?" Fugaku said aloud, "Good. That should count as my fatherly duty for at least the next four months."

xxxxxx

"And that's why you shouldn't flirt with the merchant boy, again," Sasuke concluded. He looked expectantly at his new girlfriend.

Naruko sweat dropped. "Sasuke, I was just asking him to pass the soy sauce…"

xxxxxx


End file.
